It goes his POV her PoV then both kind of
general POV. plus some flashbacks
Sha Sha Sha. I probably shouldn't say this but at times I get so scared. When I think about the previous relationship we shared.
The
boy often thought of his secret girl on the bus to school. Her
memory gave him comfort in these dark times. If he was born in another
family he might even admit he wished to be a 8-3 as well. But he
was a blue-blooded so he and his girlfriend, excuse that thought
EX-girlfriend, had to remain enemies to the public. And though they
were broken up, nobody could ever know about their little affair.
It
was awesome but we lost it it's not possible for me not to care. And
now we're standing in the rain but nothings ever gonna change until you
hear, my dear.
I sighed as I exited the bus. It was
pouring out. Why had I not noticed this looking out the window? Maybe
because I was so lost in my thoughts about her. Damn! I must be seeing
things. She's here, it has to be her. No one else has that bushy brown
hair. But of course she's here idiot this is her school as much as it
is yours. Oh crap. She turned around. Maybe I can walk away?
No she's coming over here. Curses.
"Nicky, didn't think you'd be back." Damn that sweet voice. Too bad those are fighting means she wants me to talk to her.
"And what's that suppossed to mean timothy? I'm still school age. Of course I would still be coming here"
"Well I just figured you'd have been thrown into jail with your loser father." she said icily.
My face turned bright red. Of course HE would come into the conversation.
"How dare you talk about my father you bitch"
She sighed. Why would she sigh?
"You just don't get it what I'm saying." Of course I don't! She doesn't make sense!
The seven things I hate about you! Oh You! Your vain, your games, you're insecure.
(The year before, in his class)
"Nicky ! You look fine! Stop looking in the bloody mirror already"
"I can't help it babe! I need to make sure I look good for my fellow guys"
"Well you can stop because you look very handsome"
"Oh stop playing with me"
"I'm not playing with you"
"Oh we both know that you are. Now how's my hair"
"It's hideous"
"Shit
are you serious!" And with that he ran off to the bathroom or the
third time in less than twelve minutes. Grace sighed and left the
room through the secret passage way.
You love me you like her!
"Nicky"
"What"
"I know we're not 'technically' going out but could you at least keep your eyes in your head"
"Sorry Grace."Nicky apologized sheepishly.
You
made me laugh you made me cry I don't know which side to buy. Your
friends they're jerks and when you act like them just know it hurts! I
wanna be with the one I know. And the seventh thing I hate the most
that you do! You make me love you.
"I hate that I love you." he told me grinning.
"I know. Now let's see if we can tackle your History lesson assignment before it's too late."
It's awkward and it's silent.
(Present time)
"Nicky, you'll be paired with Ms.Timothy"
"Sir you must be joking"
"I don't joke Nicky."
Great, just great.
As I wait for you to I need to hear now. Your sincere apology.
"Nicky"
"Pass the sulphur will you bitch"
"Nicky"
"I don't want to talk bitch. Just hand me the sulphur"
"Well I DO want to talk nicky"
"Ms.timothy! That'll be a detention for you for shouting in my classroom"
"But she didn't do anything!" Adrian yelled trying to defend her.
"No lip Jingga or I will deduct your score"
The room stayed quiet. Some people we're still processing what Grace had said.
Nicky muttered under his breath,"What do want"
"A sincere apology"
They didn't speak for the rest of the class period.
When
you mean it I'll believe it if you text it I'll delete it let's be
clear. Well I'm not coming back. You're taking seven steps here. The 7
things I hate about you!
After class Nicky met up with her in the hall. "Hey Grace? I'm sorry. I truly am"
"I believe you Nicky"
"Friends? Secretly of course"
"No Nicky. I'm not coming back." She hid her smile walking away. She loved this game!
Your vain, your games, you love me you like her. You made me laugh, you made me cry I don't know which side to buy!
(The previous year)
He
tickled her. He couldn't help distracting her from their many homework
piles. She was laughing so hard she had tears in her eyes.
"Gosh Grace! You need to put some meat on your bones! Your ribs keep sticking me"
She still had tears in her eyes, but they were not of laughter anymore.
Your friends they're jerks and when you act like them just know it hurts!
She was just sitting with Sabrina and Julian when a bunch of my friends walked up.
"Hey bitch! Planning on making more dirty brats with these two traitors?"
"Yeah, whose first"
Julian and Tanady began dueling it out. Nicky walked up.
"Hey Grace? Does the winner get to claim you or is it gonna be rock, paper, scissors after this"
"Shut your mouth Nicky"
"Ooo! Touchy."
I
wanna be with the one I know. And the seventh thing I hate the most
that you do! You make me love you. I've been through all the great
things that would take too long to write. I probably should mention the
seven that I like. The seven things I like about you! Your hair, your
eyes, your old levis.
(Present time)
"Grace?" Julian looked at her concerned.
"Yes ?"
"You've hardly touched your you keep looking off into the distance"
"Guess I'm just thinking." About that silky black hair and those bright brown eyes. Though Nicky could never know that.
And
when we kiss I'm hyptnotized. You made me laugh, you made me cry but I
guess that's both I'll have to buy. Your hand in mine when we're
intertwined everything's alright.
They were under an old
oak. Hidden away in the dark woods. They wouldn't be found but the
thought that they could be was thrilling. As they pulled away they
looked into each others eyes. She loved him. She always would. This was
their moment forever. But what was that beebing in the distance?
She woke with a start. Damn! She hated dreaming about past memories that still felt so real.
I wanna be with the one I know. And the seventh thing I like the most that you do.
You make me love you.
Sha. Sha. Sha.
and in that moment i swear we were infinite
7/19/2013
7/10/2013
Mirrors - Justin Timberlake
Aren't you somethin' to admire?
'Cause your shine is somethin' like a mirror
And I can't help but notice
You reflect in this heart of mine
If you ever feel alone and
The glare makes me hard to find
Just know that I'm always
Parallel on the other side
'Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul
I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go
Just put your hand on the glass
I'll be tryin' to pull you through
You just gotta be strong
'Cause I don't wanna lose you now
I'm lookin' right at the other half of me
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold
Show me how to fight for now
And I'll tell you, baby, it was easy
Comin' back here to you once I figured it out
You were right here all along
It's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me
I couldn't get any bigger
With anyone else beside of me
And now it's clear as this promise
That we're making two reflections into one
'Cause it's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me
Aren't you somethin', an original
'Cause it doesn't seem merely a sample
And I can't help but stare, 'cause
I see truth somewhere in your eyes
I can't ever change without you
You reflect me, I love that about you
And if I could, I would look at us all the time
'Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul
I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go
Just put your hand on the glass
I'll be tryin' to pull you through
You just gotta be strong
'Cause I don't wanna lose you now
I'm lookin' right at the other half of me
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold
Show me how to fight for now
And I'll tell you, baby, it was easy
Comin' back here to you once I figured it out
You were right here all along
It's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me
I couldn't get any bigger
With anyone else beside of me
And now it's clear as this promise
That we're making two reflections into one
'Cause it's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me
Yesterday is history
Tomorrow's a mystery
I can see you lookin' back at me
Keep your eyes on me
Baby, keep your eyes on me
'Cause I don't wanna lose you now
I'm lookin' right at the other half of me
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold
Show me how to fight for now (please show me, baby)
I'll tell you, baby, it was easy
Comin' back here to you once I figured it out
You were right here all along
It's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me
I couldn't get any bigger
With anyone else beside of me
And now it's clear as this promise
That we're making two reflections into one
'Cause it's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me
You are, you are the love of my life [x10]
Now you're the inspiration for this precious song
And I just wanna see your face light up since you put me on
So now I say goodbye to the old me, it's already gone
And I can't wait wait wait wait wait to get you home
Just to let you know, you are
You are, you are the love of my life [x8]
Girl you're my reflection, all I see is you
My reflection, in everything I do
You're my reflection and all I see is you
My reflection, in everything I do
You are, you are the love of my life [x16]
'Cause your shine is somethin' like a mirror
And I can't help but notice
You reflect in this heart of mine
If you ever feel alone and
The glare makes me hard to find
Just know that I'm always
Parallel on the other side
'Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul
I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go
Just put your hand on the glass
I'll be tryin' to pull you through
You just gotta be strong
'Cause I don't wanna lose you now
I'm lookin' right at the other half of me
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold
Show me how to fight for now
And I'll tell you, baby, it was easy
Comin' back here to you once I figured it out
You were right here all along
It's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me
I couldn't get any bigger
With anyone else beside of me
And now it's clear as this promise
That we're making two reflections into one
'Cause it's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me
Aren't you somethin', an original
'Cause it doesn't seem merely a sample
And I can't help but stare, 'cause
I see truth somewhere in your eyes
I can't ever change without you
You reflect me, I love that about you
And if I could, I would look at us all the time
'Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul
I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go
Just put your hand on the glass
I'll be tryin' to pull you through
You just gotta be strong
'Cause I don't wanna lose you now
I'm lookin' right at the other half of me
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold
Show me how to fight for now
And I'll tell you, baby, it was easy
Comin' back here to you once I figured it out
You were right here all along
It's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me
I couldn't get any bigger
With anyone else beside of me
And now it's clear as this promise
That we're making two reflections into one
'Cause it's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me
Yesterday is history
Tomorrow's a mystery
I can see you lookin' back at me
Keep your eyes on me
Baby, keep your eyes on me
'Cause I don't wanna lose you now
I'm lookin' right at the other half of me
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold
Show me how to fight for now (please show me, baby)
I'll tell you, baby, it was easy
Comin' back here to you once I figured it out
You were right here all along
It's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me
I couldn't get any bigger
With anyone else beside of me
And now it's clear as this promise
That we're making two reflections into one
'Cause it's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me
You are, you are the love of my life [x10]
Now you're the inspiration for this precious song
And I just wanna see your face light up since you put me on
So now I say goodbye to the old me, it's already gone
And I can't wait wait wait wait wait to get you home
Just to let you know, you are
You are, you are the love of my life [x8]
Girl you're my reflection, all I see is you
My reflection, in everything I do
You're my reflection and all I see is you
My reflection, in everything I do
You are, you are the love of my life [x16]
The One That Got Away - Sabun (official name)
Songfic.
‘Summer after high school When we first met.’
I still remember the day I first met him. His young face, although he was quite mature, the smile always on his lips, his soft black hair, his piercing brown eyes and his beautiful cheek. How he always was so talkative and his love for food. Everything about him was perfect. It was exactly 15 years ago. 15 years ago I met Julian, my one and only true love.
My friends and I arrived at the festival to celebrate the summer in Queen Park. We looked forward to it.
"I’m going to get a drink!" I cried and nodded at the scolding that sold drinks and food.
“What can I get you?" a guy with an cute accent said.
I looked straight into his piercing brown eyes that sparkled in the light.
“A Coke"
“What, that’s all? A Coke? “He said with a grin while he left his eyebrow.
“I’m not as wild as I look," I said, biting my lip.
I must admit, I didn’t look like a sweet and girly girl. I had a “hipster" like style and often wore short shorts, oversized t-shirts and leather jackets with Army boots. My hair was messy and um.. well you could say ugly.
“Oh really?" He said and laughed. “What is your name?"
“Sabrina, but everyone calls me Sab …"
“I’m going to call Sab, if I may?" He said and laughed.
“Sure you can, bartender!"
He laughed. “My name is Julian"
“Did I ask your name?" I said and put a lock of hair behind my ear.
He laughed again. I like him, I hardly know him, but I like him. Just because he seems to find everything hilarious.
“Sab, are you coming back or what?" I turned around and saw Grace, my best friend, walking towards me.
“Sorry Julian, my work calls," I said and winked.
“No problem Sab, it was nice talking to you" he said and grinned.
I grabbed my Coke and went to Grace.
“Flirting with the bartender?" Grace giggled.
“He’s cute!” I said and looked back, saw that he looked at me with a strange smile on his lips.
The festival came to his end and everyone went away. Everyone was huddled in the car, but I was still walking on the dirty grass of the park, because I was too tired to follow the group.
“Sab" I turned around and saw Julian a bit further away.
I smiled and stepped towards him.
“Are you leaving?"
I nodded.
“A friend of mine his holding this ‘after party thing’ at his place. Wanna join?”
“Are you crazy? It’s super late and I’m super tired! "
“Come on, act the way you dress babe!" He said laughing and took a sip from the jug of beer he was holding.
“If I can get home, I’m in”
“I have a car," he said and winked.
“Then why are we waiting?" I said and smiled .
“Good," he said and hit his arm around me.
We walked past the car where my friends were waiting for me.
I looked at Grace with a ‘I’m going somewhere with this hottie, you guys can go' - look
She smiled and nodded approvingly.
It was very crowded, the music was too loud - probably because there is already a good dose of alcohol rustling through my veins - and I knew nobody.
Yeah okay Julian, but it’s not that I actually know him.
“Do you want something to drink? A coke perhaps? “He said teasingly.
“Funny!” I said and pushed him in the ribs. “I take what you take”
“Are you sure you can handle beer Sab?”
I stuck my tongue out at him and walked away.
It was late. Or early. I don’t even know. All I knew is that I was dancing and felt that the alcohol and the music took over my whole body. It was fantastic. Suddenly I felt two strong hands grab my waist.
“Wanna go home?" the horse, oh i mean Julian.
I nodded. He wove his fingers in mine and dragged me outside.
I didn’t know that my life had changed completely. Without really knowing him, without thinking about my future, I had already found the one.
"Used to steal your parents’ liquor and climb to the roof. Talk about our future, like we had a clue. Never planned that one day, I’d be losing you."
I smiled at the memory. My parents didn’t like Julian, but I didn’t care. Every time he came to me, we stole the fancy liquor of my father and we sat on the roof of the old barn at the end of the street. We talked about everything for hours, just us two. Together. Everything seemed so innocent.
“Help me!” I screamed as I couldn’t get on the roof.
He laughed and pulled me up. I sighed with relief when I sat beside him, my arm around him while we drank the fancy liquor of my father from plastic cups.
“This is nice, sitting here with you" I said and smiled.
“Indeed," he whispered.
“What if I lose you?”
“don’t say that, because that’s not gonna happen! You will never leave my sight and I’m not leaving yours, remember? We’re going to see the world together, remember? And we don’t worry about the future! “He looked right into my eyes.
“I love you "
“And i love you " he said, pressing his soft lips on mine.
"In another life I would be your girl. We’d keep all our promises, be us against the world.”
Julian and I had that kind of relationship that many people didn’t understand. We fought more than we agreed. Our fights always were about small promises that we didn’t kept. But the same day, we always solved it. We were inseparable and together we could do everything. Nothing was impossible for us.
"You promised to come!" I said angrily.
"I’m sorry, but I didn’t have time!"
"That’s what you say every time! You can never keep your bloody promises Niall!”
"Look, I didn’t have time! I’m sorry, I was busy and I had football training!"
"What, too busy with flirting with other chickens?"
"You say that I never keep my promises, but look at yourself Sabrina!”
"I’m not doing anything!"
"You promised never to exaggerate like that and look at what you’re doing!"
"Sorry that I get easily jealous, mister perfect!”
"Just because I was talking to that girl you didn’t like at that party, you say I do it all the freaking time!’
"Julian" I stared hard at him, my eyes were cold.
Julian smiled gently, but the smile quickly turned into a grin.
I bit my lip to suppress my laughter.
Our discussions always ended in laughter.
"Come here you!" He said as he grabbed me and spun me around.
"Sorry," I said and kissed him.
"Promise me that you are never going to exaggerate like that again"
"Promise! If you promised to let me know if you can’t come, "
"Promise!"
"I love you, you know that?"
He nodded and gave me a kiss. “And I love you even more.”
“You and me against the world?”
“You and me against the world!”
"It’s time to face the music, I’m no longer your muse."
Julian always wrote songs for me, he played them for me on his guitar and he all kept them in a box. Whenever I asked why he did that, his answer was: “Because you’re my muse, ma chérie". And then he gave me a kiss on my forehead. One day, I signed him up for The X-factor ,his voice was divine. I never thought he was going to make it this far. Niall changed by the pressures of fame. Our relationship was different, we weren’t longer the carefree bunch of teenagers that we were back then.
I scrolled through my Google pictures dashboard and stopped when I saw a picture of a girl with brown hair and the ends of her hair were dyed dark blue. I turned my computer to Julian.
“Look, I think I’m going to dye my hair like that"
He looked up from his cell phone.
“No way," he said, shaking his head.
“Why not?"
“Because"
“Julian, you know well enough that that’s not a good reason. And besides, I’ve done it last year, but with pink. Remember?”
“It’s different now”
“Why?”
“When I go to some event, and you go with me and you arrive with that hairdo? People will think that you are…special …"
“What’s wrong with being special? I thought that’s what made us, us right?”
“Babe, there’s nothing wrong with that, but yeah, you understand what I mean. You can’t do it."
I stood up. “Don’t babe me!" I snapped and grabbed my bag.
“sab,"
“What Julian? Why do you care about what people think about me? If you are ashamed of me, I may as well lock myself in a room and never come out with you again!"
“Am I saying that?" He raises his voice.
I stared at my shoes.
“Sab, you know well enough that it would be weird to appear at a red carpet with some crazy hair color.”
“Well, I have a solution: you can go alone to that stupid red carpet!”
“dear, listen" He grabbed my arms.
“Let me go, jerk," I screamed and pushed him away.
“Calm down," he said, trying to hold me.
I took my bag and stormed out of his room. I heard his footsteps following me.
It was raining softly.
“Sabrina Angelina, come back," he cried.
“Fuck you Julian, fuck you and your stupid music" was the last thing I said to him.
"All this money can not buy me a time machine, It can not replace you with a million rings, I should have told you what you meant to me, ‘Cause now I paid the price."
If I could turn back time, oh god, then I would immediately do that. God knows how much I prayed, prayed that that night never happened, that everything was normal, that it was just a nightmare and that I was about to wake up in his arms. Or at least that I had the chance to say goodbye.
"Sabrina, I’ve now left 10 voicemails. I know well enough that you refuse my calls. Where are you? I’m driving around the city for the past 2 hours! Call me when you’re safe please, I’m worried to death. I love you."
"Hey Julian, it … I’m sorry. I’m home now. I’m so sorry, I exaggerated again. I’m freezing and my clothes are soaked, I’ve made hot chocolate and there is enough for us two. I’m sorry babe, I love you.”
I sighed. I had him called back 3 times already, still no answer.
An hour later, Julian didn’t call back.
I began to get nervous. Did something bad happened?
The bell rang. Excited I jumped from my bed and opened the door.
“Jul-Nicky? What are you doing here? “My facial expression changed from happy to worried right away.
Nicky eyes were red and he didn’t have the usual smile on his face.
“Sabrina," He swallowed, his voice sounded hoarse. “Julian is …" He could not finish the sentence, he burst into tears.
“What ? What’s wrong with Julian? "
My heart flipped over and my hands trembled like crazy.
“Nicky?"
“I’m sorry Sabrina," he whispered. He breathed deeply. “Julian got into a car accident. He drove too fast and slipped on a wet road and slammed … slammed against the barriers. He died…instantly”
I hit my hand over my mouth and shook my head.
“No, you’re lying. Tell me you are lying, Niall.. "
he looked at me and shook his head.
I fell on my knees and buried my face in my hands.
“Tell me this is just a nightmare. This can’t be true, no please. Please”
"In another life, I would make you stay. So I do not have to say, You were the One that got away. The One that got away. "
I still remember the day I first met him. His young face, although he was quite mature, the smile always on his lips, his soft black hair, his piercing brown eyes and his beautiful cheek. How he always was so talkative and his love for food. Everything about him was perfect. It was exactly 15 years ago. 15 years ago I met Julian, my one and only true love. And 13 years ago I lost him. We had a fight and I ran away. He drove around for hours in his car, looking for me. He was so sweet for me. He was to good for me. I didn’t deserve him. If I didn’t overacted like that, that terrible accident wouldn’t have happened..
I rubbed my thumb over the photo I held in my hand. It was a picture of me and Julian, one of my favorite pictures. My hair was still black on the photo and the way I dressed was all hipster like.
Now, I wore my hair in a tight dot and had my hair color is brunette. My clothes were professional and I was a housewife. Who would have thought that huh?
Yes, I was married. And I loved my husband. But deep down, deep deep down, I still loved Julian with whole my heart, with my whole body, with my entire soul. And I will never love my husband as I loved Julian.
People say that you move on. But I didn’t. I think of him every day, from when I wake up till I go to sleep. I will never forgive myself. I will live forever with that gnawing guilt that it was my fault. It was my fault. I wiped away a tear and took a deep breath.
I’m sorry Julian. I love you. Please, never forget that.
‘Summer after high school When we first met.’
I still remember the day I first met him. His young face, although he was quite mature, the smile always on his lips, his soft black hair, his piercing brown eyes and his beautiful cheek. How he always was so talkative and his love for food. Everything about him was perfect. It was exactly 15 years ago. 15 years ago I met Julian, my one and only true love.
My friends and I arrived at the festival to celebrate the summer in Queen Park. We looked forward to it.
"I’m going to get a drink!" I cried and nodded at the scolding that sold drinks and food.
“What can I get you?" a guy with an cute accent said.
I looked straight into his piercing brown eyes that sparkled in the light.
“A Coke"
“What, that’s all? A Coke? “He said with a grin while he left his eyebrow.
“I’m not as wild as I look," I said, biting my lip.
I must admit, I didn’t look like a sweet and girly girl. I had a “hipster" like style and often wore short shorts, oversized t-shirts and leather jackets with Army boots. My hair was messy and um.. well you could say ugly.
“Oh really?" He said and laughed. “What is your name?"
“Sabrina, but everyone calls me Sab …"
“I’m going to call Sab, if I may?" He said and laughed.
“Sure you can, bartender!"
He laughed. “My name is Julian"
“Did I ask your name?" I said and put a lock of hair behind my ear.
He laughed again. I like him, I hardly know him, but I like him. Just because he seems to find everything hilarious.
“Sab, are you coming back or what?" I turned around and saw Grace, my best friend, walking towards me.
“Sorry Julian, my work calls," I said and winked.
“No problem Sab, it was nice talking to you" he said and grinned.
I grabbed my Coke and went to Grace.
“Flirting with the bartender?" Grace giggled.
“He’s cute!” I said and looked back, saw that he looked at me with a strange smile on his lips.
The festival came to his end and everyone went away. Everyone was huddled in the car, but I was still walking on the dirty grass of the park, because I was too tired to follow the group.
“Sab" I turned around and saw Julian a bit further away.
I smiled and stepped towards him.
“Are you leaving?"
I nodded.
“A friend of mine his holding this ‘after party thing’ at his place. Wanna join?”
“Are you crazy? It’s super late and I’m super tired! "
“Come on, act the way you dress babe!" He said laughing and took a sip from the jug of beer he was holding.
“If I can get home, I’m in”
“I have a car," he said and winked.
“Then why are we waiting?" I said and smiled .
“Good," he said and hit his arm around me.
We walked past the car where my friends were waiting for me.
I looked at Grace with a ‘I’m going somewhere with this hottie, you guys can go' - look
She smiled and nodded approvingly.
It was very crowded, the music was too loud - probably because there is already a good dose of alcohol rustling through my veins - and I knew nobody.
Yeah okay Julian, but it’s not that I actually know him.
“Do you want something to drink? A coke perhaps? “He said teasingly.
“Funny!” I said and pushed him in the ribs. “I take what you take”
“Are you sure you can handle beer Sab?”
I stuck my tongue out at him and walked away.
It was late. Or early. I don’t even know. All I knew is that I was dancing and felt that the alcohol and the music took over my whole body. It was fantastic. Suddenly I felt two strong hands grab my waist.
“Wanna go home?" the horse, oh i mean Julian.
I nodded. He wove his fingers in mine and dragged me outside.
I didn’t know that my life had changed completely. Without really knowing him, without thinking about my future, I had already found the one.
"Used to steal your parents’ liquor and climb to the roof. Talk about our future, like we had a clue. Never planned that one day, I’d be losing you."
I smiled at the memory. My parents didn’t like Julian, but I didn’t care. Every time he came to me, we stole the fancy liquor of my father and we sat on the roof of the old barn at the end of the street. We talked about everything for hours, just us two. Together. Everything seemed so innocent.
“Help me!” I screamed as I couldn’t get on the roof.
He laughed and pulled me up. I sighed with relief when I sat beside him, my arm around him while we drank the fancy liquor of my father from plastic cups.
“This is nice, sitting here with you" I said and smiled.
“Indeed," he whispered.
“What if I lose you?”
“don’t say that, because that’s not gonna happen! You will never leave my sight and I’m not leaving yours, remember? We’re going to see the world together, remember? And we don’t worry about the future! “He looked right into my eyes.
“I love you "
“And i love you " he said, pressing his soft lips on mine.
"In another life I would be your girl. We’d keep all our promises, be us against the world.”
Julian and I had that kind of relationship that many people didn’t understand. We fought more than we agreed. Our fights always were about small promises that we didn’t kept. But the same day, we always solved it. We were inseparable and together we could do everything. Nothing was impossible for us.
"You promised to come!" I said angrily.
"I’m sorry, but I didn’t have time!"
"That’s what you say every time! You can never keep your bloody promises Niall!”
"Look, I didn’t have time! I’m sorry, I was busy and I had football training!"
"What, too busy with flirting with other chickens?"
"You say that I never keep my promises, but look at yourself Sabrina!”
"I’m not doing anything!"
"You promised never to exaggerate like that and look at what you’re doing!"
"Sorry that I get easily jealous, mister perfect!”
"Just because I was talking to that girl you didn’t like at that party, you say I do it all the freaking time!’
"Julian" I stared hard at him, my eyes were cold.
Julian smiled gently, but the smile quickly turned into a grin.
I bit my lip to suppress my laughter.
Our discussions always ended in laughter.
"Come here you!" He said as he grabbed me and spun me around.
"Sorry," I said and kissed him.
"Promise me that you are never going to exaggerate like that again"
"Promise! If you promised to let me know if you can’t come, "
"Promise!"
"I love you, you know that?"
He nodded and gave me a kiss. “And I love you even more.”
“You and me against the world?”
“You and me against the world!”
"It’s time to face the music, I’m no longer your muse."
Julian always wrote songs for me, he played them for me on his guitar and he all kept them in a box. Whenever I asked why he did that, his answer was: “Because you’re my muse, ma chérie". And then he gave me a kiss on my forehead. One day, I signed him up for The X-factor ,his voice was divine. I never thought he was going to make it this far. Niall changed by the pressures of fame. Our relationship was different, we weren’t longer the carefree bunch of teenagers that we were back then.
I scrolled through my Google pictures dashboard and stopped when I saw a picture of a girl with brown hair and the ends of her hair were dyed dark blue. I turned my computer to Julian.
“Look, I think I’m going to dye my hair like that"
He looked up from his cell phone.
“No way," he said, shaking his head.
“Why not?"
“Because"
“Julian, you know well enough that that’s not a good reason. And besides, I’ve done it last year, but with pink. Remember?”
“It’s different now”
“Why?”
“When I go to some event, and you go with me and you arrive with that hairdo? People will think that you are…special …"
“What’s wrong with being special? I thought that’s what made us, us right?”
“Babe, there’s nothing wrong with that, but yeah, you understand what I mean. You can’t do it."
I stood up. “Don’t babe me!" I snapped and grabbed my bag.
“sab,"
“What Julian? Why do you care about what people think about me? If you are ashamed of me, I may as well lock myself in a room and never come out with you again!"
“Am I saying that?" He raises his voice.
I stared at my shoes.
“Sab, you know well enough that it would be weird to appear at a red carpet with some crazy hair color.”
“Well, I have a solution: you can go alone to that stupid red carpet!”
“dear, listen" He grabbed my arms.
“Let me go, jerk," I screamed and pushed him away.
“Calm down," he said, trying to hold me.
I took my bag and stormed out of his room. I heard his footsteps following me.
It was raining softly.
“Sabrina Angelina, come back," he cried.
“Fuck you Julian, fuck you and your stupid music" was the last thing I said to him.
"All this money can not buy me a time machine, It can not replace you with a million rings, I should have told you what you meant to me, ‘Cause now I paid the price."
If I could turn back time, oh god, then I would immediately do that. God knows how much I prayed, prayed that that night never happened, that everything was normal, that it was just a nightmare and that I was about to wake up in his arms. Or at least that I had the chance to say goodbye.
"Sabrina, I’ve now left 10 voicemails. I know well enough that you refuse my calls. Where are you? I’m driving around the city for the past 2 hours! Call me when you’re safe please, I’m worried to death. I love you."
"Hey Julian, it … I’m sorry. I’m home now. I’m so sorry, I exaggerated again. I’m freezing and my clothes are soaked, I’ve made hot chocolate and there is enough for us two. I’m sorry babe, I love you.”
I sighed. I had him called back 3 times already, still no answer.
An hour later, Julian didn’t call back.
I began to get nervous. Did something bad happened?
The bell rang. Excited I jumped from my bed and opened the door.
“Jul-Nicky? What are you doing here? “My facial expression changed from happy to worried right away.
Nicky eyes were red and he didn’t have the usual smile on his face.
“Sabrina," He swallowed, his voice sounded hoarse. “Julian is …" He could not finish the sentence, he burst into tears.
“What ? What’s wrong with Julian? "
My heart flipped over and my hands trembled like crazy.
“Nicky?"
“I’m sorry Sabrina," he whispered. He breathed deeply. “Julian got into a car accident. He drove too fast and slipped on a wet road and slammed … slammed against the barriers. He died…instantly”
I hit my hand over my mouth and shook my head.
“No, you’re lying. Tell me you are lying, Niall.. "
he looked at me and shook his head.
I fell on my knees and buried my face in my hands.
“Tell me this is just a nightmare. This can’t be true, no please. Please”
"In another life, I would make you stay. So I do not have to say, You were the One that got away. The One that got away. "
I still remember the day I first met him. His young face, although he was quite mature, the smile always on his lips, his soft black hair, his piercing brown eyes and his beautiful cheek. How he always was so talkative and his love for food. Everything about him was perfect. It was exactly 15 years ago. 15 years ago I met Julian, my one and only true love. And 13 years ago I lost him. We had a fight and I ran away. He drove around for hours in his car, looking for me. He was so sweet for me. He was to good for me. I didn’t deserve him. If I didn’t overacted like that, that terrible accident wouldn’t have happened..
I rubbed my thumb over the photo I held in my hand. It was a picture of me and Julian, one of my favorite pictures. My hair was still black on the photo and the way I dressed was all hipster like.
Now, I wore my hair in a tight dot and had my hair color is brunette. My clothes were professional and I was a housewife. Who would have thought that huh?
Yes, I was married. And I loved my husband. But deep down, deep deep down, I still loved Julian with whole my heart, with my whole body, with my entire soul. And I will never love my husband as I loved Julian.
People say that you move on. But I didn’t. I think of him every day, from when I wake up till I go to sleep. I will never forgive myself. I will live forever with that gnawing guilt that it was my fault. It was my fault. I wiped away a tear and took a deep breath.
I’m sorry Julian. I love you. Please, never forget that.
7/09/2013
Stay With Me - gracerik
The italicized parts are flashbacks.
It’s been a year. He’s been in prison for a year. That means it’s been almost two since his world changed. He still beats himself up over what happened. She said it wasn’t his fault, so why does he feel like it is? He thinks he could have stopped him, could have saved her. Punching his fist into the wall, he gives up. There’s nothing he can do. He wants so badly to wake up from this nightmare. He won’t though, it’s real. It’s all too real. Walking over to his bed which was more of a cot, he tried to clear his mind as he laid down. He’ll never clear his mind though. What happened will haunt him forever, and he won’t be able to escape it.
They had been dating for almost three years. They had talked about marriage and kids and their future together. He was going to propose the next week but he didn’t have a chance.
The sound of a gun shot rang out as he looked around, glad to be alive and not hurt, but he wasn’t in the clear yet. He saw the man run away but he figured the police would find him soon enough.
He thinks of the dinner he had planned for that night. They went to a fancy restaurant where the meals were too small and too expensive. That didn’t matter to them though. They laughed and made jokes and smiled the whole night. He told her how much she meant to her that night.
A hand grabbed at his arm, as she gasped for air.
"No, no, no. Don’t joke around, right now, not now."
That’s all he could say, he thought she was okay, this was just a joke. She wasn’t really hurt.
"Erik.."
She sounded weak. Her voice was shaky and she was trying her best to stay standing but her knees were wobbling and he vision was hazy.
"NO, no.. This isn’t happening.. " he whispered as she sank into his arms.
Blood was staining her shirt. Kneeling down, the love of his life lays in his arms.
"Erik.. I don’t want to.. I don’t want to die..I’m not ready to go.." she mumbles as tears begin to fall slowly down her face.
"I’m sorry.. I’m so sorry I should have been in front of you, I shoud’ve-"
"No.. Erik.. You didn’t know.. It’s not your fault.. no.."
"It is, it is. You can’t leave me, please don’t. You’re going to be okay, this isn’t your time, you’re not leaving me.."
His voice is cracking and he’s trying his best not to break down. He wants to be strong for her. He doesn’t want her last memory of him to be him crying.
"Kiss it all better.. I’m not ready to go.. It’s not your fault, it’s not.. You.. you didn’t know.."
Her voice is getting softer and her breathing is slower.
"No, no, no.. Please stay with me.."
"I.. I love you.. Erik..."
Her eyes seem empty. The brightness that would shine through them is gone. Her pulse is gone. Her chest stopped slowly rising up and down. She’s gone.
The sound of sirens are heard and a few people have started a sort of circle around them. He sobs and after a minute or two, he sees something. It shines in the moonlight. A gun. The gun that just changed everything for him.
"I love you so much, you’ll never leave my mind. I love you, I love you."
Quickly, he pulls out the engagement ring he had bought for her, he always carried it around just incase the time felt right. Opening the box, he picks up the ring and slides it onto her cold finger and kisses her forehead.
Gently, he crumbles up his jacket and makes a pillow for her and lays her head on it.
He grabs the gun and runs.
Now he sits behind prison bars, 25 to life, and she’s not in his arms. He couldn’t bring her back with a bullet to the heart of the man who turned his world apart.
The memory is engraved in his mind. It haunts him. It tortures him. He thinks he could have saved her, but it was too late.
He cries again, just like every night. Grasping his flimsy pillow, he cries out to her in the hopes that she’s listening.
"Stay with me, until I fall asleep. Stay with me. I miss you.. I need you back.. This is just a nightmare.. I’ll wake up and it will be tomorrow and we will be together and happy.. I can’t do this.. I need you.. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.."
Drifting to sleep, he hears her voice.
"It’s not your fault, Erik. It’s not. Don’t blame yourself.. It hurts me to think you could have changed what happened, it’s not your fault. Please don’t do this to yourself. I love you so much, Moviehead."
Her face appears in his dreams and he can’t see anything but her saying “Kiss it all better.. I’m not ready to go.. It’s not your fault."
Mumbling, he says “Stay with me, until I fall asleep.. Stay with me, Grace.."
It’s been a year. He’s been in prison for a year. That means it’s been almost two since his world changed. He still beats himself up over what happened. She said it wasn’t his fault, so why does he feel like it is? He thinks he could have stopped him, could have saved her. Punching his fist into the wall, he gives up. There’s nothing he can do. He wants so badly to wake up from this nightmare. He won’t though, it’s real. It’s all too real. Walking over to his bed which was more of a cot, he tried to clear his mind as he laid down. He’ll never clear his mind though. What happened will haunt him forever, and he won’t be able to escape it.
They had been dating for almost three years. They had talked about marriage and kids and their future together. He was going to propose the next week but he didn’t have a chance.
The sound of a gun shot rang out as he looked around, glad to be alive and not hurt, but he wasn’t in the clear yet. He saw the man run away but he figured the police would find him soon enough.
He thinks of the dinner he had planned for that night. They went to a fancy restaurant where the meals were too small and too expensive. That didn’t matter to them though. They laughed and made jokes and smiled the whole night. He told her how much she meant to her that night.
A hand grabbed at his arm, as she gasped for air.
"No, no, no. Don’t joke around, right now, not now."
That’s all he could say, he thought she was okay, this was just a joke. She wasn’t really hurt.
"Erik.."
She sounded weak. Her voice was shaky and she was trying her best to stay standing but her knees were wobbling and he vision was hazy.
"NO, no.. This isn’t happening.. " he whispered as she sank into his arms.
Blood was staining her shirt. Kneeling down, the love of his life lays in his arms.
"Erik.. I don’t want to.. I don’t want to die..I’m not ready to go.." she mumbles as tears begin to fall slowly down her face.
"I’m sorry.. I’m so sorry I should have been in front of you, I shoud’ve-"
"No.. Erik.. You didn’t know.. It’s not your fault.. no.."
"It is, it is. You can’t leave me, please don’t. You’re going to be okay, this isn’t your time, you’re not leaving me.."
His voice is cracking and he’s trying his best not to break down. He wants to be strong for her. He doesn’t want her last memory of him to be him crying.
"Kiss it all better.. I’m not ready to go.. It’s not your fault, it’s not.. You.. you didn’t know.."
Her voice is getting softer and her breathing is slower.
"No, no, no.. Please stay with me.."
"I.. I love you.. Erik..."
Her eyes seem empty. The brightness that would shine through them is gone. Her pulse is gone. Her chest stopped slowly rising up and down. She’s gone.
The sound of sirens are heard and a few people have started a sort of circle around them. He sobs and after a minute or two, he sees something. It shines in the moonlight. A gun. The gun that just changed everything for him.
"I love you so much, you’ll never leave my mind. I love you, I love you."
Quickly, he pulls out the engagement ring he had bought for her, he always carried it around just incase the time felt right. Opening the box, he picks up the ring and slides it onto her cold finger and kisses her forehead.
Gently, he crumbles up his jacket and makes a pillow for her and lays her head on it.
He grabs the gun and runs.
Now he sits behind prison bars, 25 to life, and she’s not in his arms. He couldn’t bring her back with a bullet to the heart of the man who turned his world apart.
The memory is engraved in his mind. It haunts him. It tortures him. He thinks he could have saved her, but it was too late.
He cries again, just like every night. Grasping his flimsy pillow, he cries out to her in the hopes that she’s listening.
"Stay with me, until I fall asleep. Stay with me. I miss you.. I need you back.. This is just a nightmare.. I’ll wake up and it will be tomorrow and we will be together and happy.. I can’t do this.. I need you.. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.."
Drifting to sleep, he hears her voice.
"It’s not your fault, Erik. It’s not. Don’t blame yourself.. It hurts me to think you could have changed what happened, it’s not your fault. Please don’t do this to yourself. I love you so much, Moviehead."
Her face appears in his dreams and he can’t see anything but her saying “Kiss it all better.. I’m not ready to go.. It’s not your fault."
Mumbling, he says “Stay with me, until I fall asleep.. Stay with me, Grace.."
me: Remember, Billie Joe Armstrong is in Green Day. *clicks start in ipod quiz* First Question: Billie Joe Armstrong is from what band? #die
— iGraceTimothy (@iGraceTimothy) June 27, 2013
Fake friends: pic.twitter.com/fi8anteeaa
— Facts Of School™ (@FactsOfSchool) June 18, 2013
keep your head high and your middle finger higher.
— ¿JessicaBoji? (@iCaliforniaJess) May 28, 2013
together forever - sabun(?) #okesip
“Just.. Just leave me alone. I’ve heard
enough of your excuses. Don’t call me. Don’t text me. Ever. Again” I
spoke as calmly as possible as I watched Julian crumple in front of me.
“I never meant to hurt you..” I heard him whimpered from behind his mop of hair.
“And what exactly made you think cheating on me wouldn’t hurt me, huh?”
He fell silence & I took that as an
invitation to leave his apartment. I felt the tears I had been
withholding fall down my face as I heard him silently sobbing into his
couch. It was his loss. He deserved what I had dished out at him &
nothing he said now could help. We had been dating for 1 1/2 years now &
I had caught him with some girls. I was at my car now & I could barely catch my
breath, the tears were streaming down my face so violently. I was going
in hysterics, it had taken me at least 10 tries to push the keys into
the ignition I was shaking to terribly.
When I finally got home, I ran to my room
& spent the rest of my night crying myself to sleep, hoping that
God would give me mercy. I shut off my phone, turned off my computer
& locked my door.
I was awoken the next morning by a group
of police men at my door. My groggy mind took a moment to register the
situation they were explaining to me with sorrow faces.
“.. we found him in his bathroom,
clutching a picture of you for dear life with a small note attached.”
They looked down for a minute while they pulled the small crumpled paper
out for me to see.
You’re
right. You deserve better. What I did to you was unthinkable & I
know you’re a smart girl, you know better than to get back with me.
After you didn’t answer my calls it became clear to me that I would
never be able to move on. “Because nothing feels like home, you’re a thousand miles away & the hardest part of living is just taking breaths to stay.”
I love you forever & always.
-Julian
I looked up into the police officers eyes
as I felt myself lose control & collapse on my front door step.
Sobbing, begging, pleading for this to all be a stupid joke. The
officers took a deep sigh & gave me a soft shake of the head.
“I’m sorry for your lose. Truly, I am
sorry” They spoke as kind as their voices would allow before turning on
their heels & heading back towards their cars.
“NO. No. It was only a stupid fight.
He’s still back on his couch. Waiting for me to come back & let
myself back into his arms. No. You’re lying. NO.” I began to choke on
the words as they tried to escape my mouth. I sat for what seemed like
an eternity on my front doorstep, clutching the necklace he had given
me for our one year anniversary. I lifted my head slowly remembering a
part of the letter he had written me. “After you didn’t answer my
calls”. I crawled to my phone as fast as my weak body would allow &
pressed the voice mail button.
I lost the little control I had over my body as I heard his broken voice before he left me one last time.
“By the time you hear this, I guess I
won’t really be around. Oh god. I don’t know what to say. I’m so
sorry. I won’t ever be able to forgive myself, even if you ever did. I
can’t .. I can’t live with myself.” he broke into sobs the line ran
dead. My shaking hand dropped the phone onto the cool tile floor while I
gathered the strength to pull my body off the kitchen floor. I
stumbled towards my bathroom & scrambled to open the razor box i saw, scars and scars appeared, I felt the life
draining from my body.
“I love you forever & always. Without you I’ll be miserable at best”
My eyes rolled back & I counted down my heartbeats before I could see him again.
Author's note: tragis bgt, masa dua"nya bunuh diri .__. #aishh
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